Hey, gus, we are Virginia Tech, and we just prevailed… AGAIN!!!
gus walking off the court after yet another loss to the school he turned his back on.
The maryland message boards were mocking this photo of me and gus the other day… twerp board Wonder what they are saying now?
OK, enough about benedict gilchrist. Let’s take a look back at my night in maryland at the arena better known as the Communist Center…
ROAD TRIP RECAP
4:45 PM – Getting a jump on traffic and heading to the game! I just have 18 miles to go, almost all on interstate, so I should be there in about 20 minutes!!!
4:55 PM – Already off 270 and onto I-495, better known as the Beltway! Making great time. Should be to the Communist Center by 5:20!
5:10 PM – Had 8 miles to go when I got on 495… have 7 miles left to go…
5:25 PM – OK, finally getting somewhere. I’m to where I-95 North breaks off so I’m sure traffic is going to lighten up. Just one mile to go for the Route 1 exit.
5:35 PM – I was wrong.
5:45 PM – Seriously, is this the most poorly designed exit ever? We have 22 lanes converging into 2 lanes on Route 1. maryland!
6:00 PM – Outside the arena. 32,000 empty parking spots. 17,000 seat arena. All parking spots are reserved. Hmm. Even L.A. would find this ridiculous.
6:05 PM – I’m parked, but I might as well be at “McBryde Hall” and be walking to Cassell.
6:20 PM – Tickets in hand! A maryland employee hooked me up. She told me these were great seats but also said, “Don’t wear Virginia Tech gear.” I now know why… I’m in the maryland student section. My seats aren’t even together, my buddy is in the row behind me. What do I care, they’re free.
6:35 PM – Buddy picks me up back at my parking spot. Off to the bar!
6:45 PM – DOUBLE BOURBON and coke!! Seriously, that’s how she made them. I’m not even sure there’s any Coke in them. Not complainin’, just sayin’.
6:55 PM – DOUBLE BOURBON and coke, Part II!!
7:15 PM – OK, enough of that. Single bourbon and Coke time. I want to remember the game.
7:20-7:45 PM – [scene missing... dang double bourbons!]
7:45 PM – I find myself in a debate about which conference is the worst BCS football conference. I say the ACC. RichRod says the Big East. Neither of us make any actual points, sticking to the always popular, “dude, it just is” or “you haven’t made a good point yet” or “because it just is” arguments. Seriously, we should both be politicians. We have their debating style down pat.
8:05 PM – Closing my tab. Bartender actually asks me what I had. Not sure how to answer this. Completely caught off guard. In reality, I had 2 double bourbons, a single bourbon, 3 Miller Lites, a Philly Chee-Steak, and enough mini-egg rolls to feed Hank Thorns for a year.
Devil on shoulder: “You had a single bourbon, a Miller Lite, and a Philly Chee-Steak.”
Angel on… hmm, where the heck is he? Probably stuck on the Route 1 exit. Needless to say, I went with the above tab. $20. Hey, is it my fault she doesn’t know how to bartend?
8:15 PM – Stopping at a drive-thru liquor store that is inside a trailer. Seriously, you can’t make stuff like this up. Only in maryland. For their sake, thank goodness for west virginia. 6-pack, bottle of Wild Turkey, here we go!
8:30 PM – Wow, our parking pass is money. We are 100 feet from the arena. Time to tailgate.
8:31 PM – I’m giving a lecture on garage drinking: “You can’t get a DUI if your keys aren’t in the ignition; aka: Take your keys out of the ignition!”
8:38 PM – The whole world is my urinal. Well, at least the whole state of maryland is.
8:40 PM – Good-bye 6-pack, adios Wild Turkey, time to head in.
8:50 PM – OK, I’m not actually in the student section. I’m right next to them in the corner 10 rows up near where the terps come out. I’m in full VT gear. Glad I didn’t listen to the hot chick that got me tickets.
8:55 PM – Hokies warming up. J.T. Thompson is in street clothes. I’m guessing this isn’t a good thing.
9:05 PM – Game is underway! Sweep time, baby!
9:06 PM – VT trails by 12. Ugh. Seriously, do we have 5 guys on the court at the start of games? Does the other team have a power play? Did J.T. get called for high sticking?
9:23 PM – First appearance by the maryland dance team… or is it a bunch of ladies taking the “Before” photo right before they enter the “Biggest Loser” contest? I can’t tell. Anyway, thank goodness for the High Techs. Jared needs to give these heffers a lecture.
9:40 PM – VT’s back within 3!!! Don’t call it a comeback, we’ve been here for years!
9:45 PM – VT only down 3 and maryland just missed 2 FTs! Wait, why are they stopping the game? Did Hudson get cut? Is he bleeding? Why are 14 people mopping the floor?
9:50 PM – Guessing based on texts I’ve received he wasn’t bleeding. Guess we shouldn’t have bought him that Bear Fight at the bar before the game. Students chant, “That’s disgusting.” Weak. I find their students shallow and pedantic.
9:55 PM – Wow, that was a lot of vomit. Halftime – down 2… got’em right where we want them.
10:00 PM – OK, male and female gymnasts jumping each other. People are cheering this? I’m very uncomfortable. Question: do the male gymnasts actually think they’re cool?
10:05 PM – terp shoots halfcourt shot (~48′) for $100,000. Shot goes ~30′. Gets chance to shoot three-pointer (~20′) for $1,000. Shot goes ~12′. I think he was one of the gymnasts… at least I hope so.
10:08 PM – Ooops, just had a gus gilchrist sighting. I am now well on my way to being hoarse.
10:10 PM – 2nd half, here we go! Sweep!
10:11 PM – And we are down by 11. Plotting exit from arena that will minimize the heckling I take.
10:15 PM – Dorenzo is now #4. Hmm. That’s bad. That means there’s so much yack on his other jersey they had to go with the token one. At least this one has no name on the back so the fans can’t heckle him.
10:27 PM – A security guard from the completely opposite side of the arena comes over and asks my buddy and me for our tickets (we are both in VT gear in the middle of all maryland people). The exchange goes like this:
Guard: “Let me see your tickets.”
[My buddy shows his, I refuse]
Guard: “OK, you are cool.”
Me: “This is racial profiling!”
Me: “This is racial profiling!!!”
Guard: [walking away] “Ohhh… Yeah.” [big smile]
I haven’t been picked on unfairly like that since the Fort Lauderdale Airport. I had two winter coats on a few years ago because my idiot buddy forgot his and I had mine and didn’t have room to pack either. It was 78 degrees. I got pulled out of line twice for “random” searches.
10:45 PM – Back within 2! Deron’s hitting jump-shots! The roof is falling!
10:51 PM – A.D. for 3! VT up 2! I hate gus!
10:57 PM – Thorns for 3! VT up 4! I hate gus!
10:59 PM – A.D. for 3! VT up 7! I hate gus!
11:05 PM – VT closes the book on the sweep, 69-65! I’m already in position next to where the terps will exit the court.
11:07 PM – The players stroll by. I ignore them. I don’t care. I even let greivis vasquez go by without even an “I arm-curled you” heckle.
11:08 PM – There he is, gus gilchrist, walking right at me. I’d like to say I acted in a classy way. I’d like to say I turned the other cheek. I’d like to say I told him, “Hey, gus, we prevailed” and leave it at that. I didn’t. Security had to step in as a maryland assistant screamed at me to leave gus alone. Hahaha. Swept. Take that, traitor. A year of eligibility burned and a sweep to show for it. We may not have gus, but we got yet another W against our beyaches, aka: the terps.
We swept uva! We swept maryland! My two most hated rivals eat our dust! Bear fights for everyone!!!… Except for Dorenzo.