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Recap | The Weekend Warrior vs. BK’s Angry Whopper

We here at like to think we cover all bases when it comes to Virginia Tech basketball.  We tell you about the team, their opponents, their recruits, the arena.  Now, we will even start to give you tips on possible meals as you are driving to games.  This weekend VT faces uva at the Cassell.  So let’s take a look at BK’s newest delicacy, the “Angry Whopper”.

For those of you living in the fast food stone age, you may not be familiar with the “Angry Whopper”.  It is includes the following:

  • Cheese whopper
  • ANGRY sauce!
  • ANGRY spicy onion rings!
  • ANGRY pepper jack cheese!
  • and last but not least, ANGRY jalapenos!

Hell hath no fury like a burger scorned!  Satan himself could not have thought an angrier burger, or so it seemed.  Let’s recap the Weekend Warrior’s battle with it:

  • 5:41 PM – Ready for the first bite… my taste buds are cowering with fear.  They haven’t been this concerned since I used “Megasoreass” hot sauce on my scrambled eggs back in the Winter of ’05. 
  • 5:42 PM – And we have it!  My teeth sink into the whopper.  I chew, I chew… wait for it… wait for it… swallow… any minute now… IS THAT BURNING TONGUE I SMELL?… no, no, just my heater turning on.
  • 5:43 PM – Still no discernable pain.  In fact, it pretty much tastes like a regular whopper.  That’s OK, I probably just didn’t get any ANGRY sauce or ANGRY rings or ANGRY jalapenos in that bite. 
  • 5:44 PM – Bite #2.  Oh, the humanity of it!  I bit into an onion ring and MAN, WAS IT ANGRY!!!  Well, not so much.  It was more annoying than angry, like when a bowl of soup is lukewarm.
  • 5:46 PM – At this point in time I taste my first jalapeno… more tingly than spicy.   This is certainly the hottest part of the sandwich, but it isn’t making me angry.
  • 5:52 PM – I have now finished said “Angry Whopper” and the only thing I’m angry about is how mild it was!  Was this some kind of a sick joke BK pulled on me?  At this point I keep waiting for a Pizza Hut delivery dude to walk out and go, “We made the whopper!”

So, on an angry scale, I give it a ‘2’, in terms of spiciness.  In terms of angriness at BK, I give it a ‘7’ (on a scale to 10).  Long story short, pass right on by that BK on the way to the uva/VT game.  Get the spicy chicken pizza at PK’s (not BK’s).

But, we aren’t quite done yet.  For those of you that know the Weekend Warrior, you know he battles IBS.  To put it into perspective, here’s how soon he uses the facilities after certain meals:

  • Within an hour: chili
  • Within 30 minutes: any thing with cheese in it other than blue cheese
  • Within 15 minutes: Kraft Mac & “Cheese”, Ray’s Hell Burgers
  • Within 10 minutes: anything with blue cheese in it
  • While he’s eating it: hot wings
  • While he’s eating it, right after he eats it, and on the walk home from eating it: 911 wings at Sharkey’s

Well, this alleged Angry Whopper couldn’t even anger up my volatile bowels.  An hour later, there was some brewing downstairs, but no activity.  That, my friends, is the last straw.  This burger is no whopper, it is a flopper.

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One Response to “Recap | The Weekend Warrior vs. BK’s Angry Whopper”

  1. vatechhokies50 says:

    I’ve lived in the DC area too long… I’m far too snobish for BK.


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