The Weekend Warrior’s first day of the ACC Tournament featured a urologist, a gentlemen’s club, a Waffle House, and even some hoops mixed in. Seriously, how many people go to a urologist and a gentlemen’s club in the same day? This guy! My life be like. That’s two extremes to get your downstairs checked out. Let’s break down the day.
Morning: I’ll leave out the urology details (you’re welcome).
Afternoon: I own Alamo rental car company! Once again I scored satellite radio for free by renting a cheap end car, then taking advantage of their stringent car selection procedures. Me: “Which car is mine?” Alamo: “Take any of the cars on the row.” Me: “Oooook.” Then just grab the nicest car you can find, well out of the class you were supposed to get.
By 1:30 we were on the road to Greensberg-o. We caught the tail end of the uva upset of bc and then listened stunned as miami absolutely laid the lumber to wake. Well, looks like it is Hokies/canes for the third year in a row.
Evening: By 6:00 we were rolling into town. My first thought is, “The Big East has New York City and MSG. We have Greensboro. Yeah. Contrast and compare.” Still not sure what there is to this town other than a randomly huge arena that they must never use.
Next we are checking into our hotel (Days Inn). First thing I noticed is the towel rack had been ripped off the wall. Then that the fridge didn’t work. Then that the AC didn’t work. Then that the ice machine was broken. You get the idea. At least the internet service I’m using now is free, and the permanent cloud of fart smell in the room I can’t blame on them.
By 7 we are rolling over to the Coliseum. We find a gentlemen’s club on the way but notice it is empty. It says they don’t open until 11. That seems odd to us. We are parking right next to said club and walking over to scalp tickets. We decide $40 is our max ($72 is face). We walk up to a scalper and he asks how much we are willing to spend. We tell him $40. He hands us his umbrella (it is pouring) and goes running off like he just won the lottery. About 12 seconds later he is back with two tickets. Apparently we started a little high. 2-for-1 sounded good to us.
The Games: The arena was about 80-90% full last night. Having two locals like unc and nc state playing certainly helped. I learned that nc state fans actually want Sidney Lowe back next year. Amazing for a coach that has lost at least 10 conference games in all four of his seasons. Apparently their huge recruiting class coming in next year helps.
Things I learned at the games:
- It shouldn’t be called North Cackalacka, it should be called North Khaki-lacka. The #1 fan look is team shirt tucked into khaki pants. We had a name for people that wore that when I was in school… NERDS!
- The clemson dance team is outrageously hot. I wish we had found the club they were at last night. And they only have one male cheerleader, have to respect their lack of men on the baselines.
- maryland fans wear underarmour, the Pepsi of athletic gear, like their life depended on it. I saw a father and his son wearing a combined five pieces of underarmour. Seriously, the kid had three underarmour shirts on. I know the company was started by a terp, but Mountain Dew was invented by a Hokie and you don’t see me rinsing my mouth after I brush my teeth with it. Moderation, people!
Ok, georgia tech beats unc and clemson gets bounced by an 11 or 12 seed for the second year in a row… now off for the clubs!
Late Night: Two blocks later we are rolling into the gentlemen’s club by our car. Here’s what I learned there:
- Always ask to peek inside before you pay the cover. After dropping $15, we go inside and realize it is a dozen strippers (and nc a&t strippers at that), and us. No one else is there. It was like in Animal House when they roll into that bar off campus.
- Guys have an expression called “stripper’s body”. As in, she has a… Well, these girls did not. They looked like the girls from a Weight Watchers “Before” photo shoot.
- NC is no ATL.
Late Late Night: Off to Waffle House! Always a festive place to be at 2-3 AM. Always a good sign when a security guard is camped outside. Here’s what I learned there:
- Your chances of getting stabbed, shot, or beaten to death go up 1,000% as soon as you get within 100 feet of a Waffle House.
- If you like places that have prostitutes (actual ones), a guy that swallowed half a bottle of Ecstasy, and 20 drunks, then Waffle House is the place for you!
- You can get your hashbrowns peppered, chilied, onioned, cheesed, and almost anything else, but you cannot get them until the next day. Seriously, you could time your service at a Waffle House with a sundial, except no one has ever actually been at a Waffle House during daylight.
Well, that’s it for Day 1. Let’s see what Day 2 holds for the Weekend Warrior (at least it won’t include a urologist… I hope).