Blacksburg, VA — Despite three straight cellar-dweller seasons in Blacksburg, dwindling attendance, several marriages, the births of multiple children, the firing of two coaches, and the transfer and de-commitment of countless high profile recruits, we here at TechHoops.com have continued to provide die-hard, although somewhat masochistic, Virginia Tech basketball fans with indepth coverage of the worst team in the ACC. Even our colleagues at TSL noted our dedication:
What most TechHoops fans didn’t know was that coming into the 2013-14 season, there was talk of shutting down TechHoops.com for good. After starting with six writers, all alums, we were down to just two; Niemo and Cope. These guys have families and jobs and other obligations. But they didn’t let spouses, children, and responsibilities get in the way of providing VT basketball fans every horrible detail of every demoralizing loss (and there were 58 of them) for the last three seasons. But they came close.
Now, with the program in a low not seen in near 14 years, there is a new hope dawning in the Cassell. JJ is out, and Buzz Williams is in. Why he left a high profile job at Marquette for the worst team in the ACC is still somewhat of a mystery, but he’s here now. Thus, to avoid any rumors and speculation, we want to announce that senior writer Niemo, formerly the Weekend Warrior, will return for an eighth straight season.
“I’m more committed than ever to righting this ship,” Niemo said via conference call following the ACC tournament. “I take full responsibility for the last three seasons, as well as the seven straight years of declining attendance. I have come to realize that the lack of BRRRRAAAHHHHHH-laden highlight videos is the sole reason for the decline in Virginia Tech’s basketball program.”
Niemo got married in 2013 and has since had his first child, but he doesn’t use those two events as excuses for his decline in productivity. He would only say that the correlation between his lack of effort at TechHoops and the lack of effort and results on the court cannot be easily dismissed.
“Look, I get it. I let this team down. I let the fans down. But I’ve rededicated myself to rebuilding this team, one arm curl and BRRRRAAAHHHHHH highlight at a time,” said Niemo between nap times. “I can’t promise victories, because we all know I’m pretty bad at that… God, remember that time I had to make a donation to some ‘Save the Eagles’ campaign? …anyhow, I can’t promise victories, but I can promise effort.”
It will be an uphill battle for Niemo, TechHoops.com, and of course, Buzz Williams and what’s left of the team. After announcing his hiring, recruit T.J. Lang asked for and received a release from his NLOI. Warren Craft, a 2015 verbal commit, decommitted because he never heard back from Coach Buzz. And then there’s Trevor Thompson, who was one of the few bright spots in a historically bad season. He transferred to Ohio State.
On the plus side, Buzz and the Hokies did pick up two big recruits in Ahmed Hill, a 6-4 shooting guard, and Satchel Pierce, a 6-10, 250-pound center. Both verbally committed to the Hokies.
Despite the odds, Niemo will be back next season. To celebrate, TechHoops.com has hired a graphic designer to redo its logo. T-shirts will be forthcoming. Stay tuned.
In other news…
Cope will be back next season, too, keeping things running smoothly behind the scenes and writing the occasional recap and commentary. “Like anyone cares about the guy behind the scenes,” Cope said. “Whatever. Screw you guys, I’m going to get a drink.”