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The Weekend Warrior: ACC Tournament Crasher, Year 2

The Weekend Warrior: ACC Tournament Crasher, Year 2

Day 1:

The Weekend Warrior’s first day of the ACC Tournament featured a urologist, a gentlemen’s club, a Waffle House, and even some hoops mixed in. Seriously, how many people go to a urologist and a gentlemen’s club in the same day? This guy! My life be like. That’s two extremes to get your downstairs checked out. Let’s break down the day.

Morning: I’ll leave out the urology details (you’re welcome).

Afternoon: I own Alamo rental car company! Once again I scored satellite radio for free by renting a cheap end car, then taking advantage of their stringent car selection procedures. Me: “Which car is mine?” Alamo: “Take any of the cars on the row.” Me: “Oooook.” Then just grab the nicest car you can find, well out of the class you were supposed to get.

By 1:30 we were on the road to Greensberg-o. We caught the tail end of the uva upset of bc and then listened stunned as miami absolutely laid the lumber to wake. Well, looks like it is Hokies/canes for the third year in a row.

Evening: By 6:00 we were rolling into town. My first thought is, “The Big East has New York City and MSG. We have Greensboro. Yeah. Contrast and compare.” Still not sure what there is to this town other than a randomly huge arena that they must never use.

Next we are checking into our hotel (Days Inn). First thing I noticed is the towel rack had been ripped off the wall. Then that the fridge didn’t work. Then that the AC didn’t work. Then that the ice machine was broken. You get the idea. At least the internet service I’m using now is free, and the permanent cloud of fart smell in the room I can’t blame on them.

By 7 we are rolling over to the Coliseum. We find a gentlemen’s club on the way but notice it is empty. It says they don’t open until 11. That seems odd to us. We are parking right next to said club and walking over to scalp tickets. We decide $40 is our max ($72 is face). We walk up to a scalper and he asks how much we are willing to spend. We tell him $40. He hands us his umbrella (it is pouring) and goes running off like he just won the lottery. About 12 seconds later he is back with two tickets. Apparently we started a little high. 2-for-1 sounded good to us.

The Games: The arena was about 80-90% full last night. Having two locals like unc and nc state playing certainly helped. I learned that nc state fans actually want Sidney Lowe back next year. Amazing for a coach that has lost at least 10 conference games in all four of his seasons. Apparently their huge recruiting class coming in next year helps.

Things I learned at the games:

  • It shouldn’t be called North Cackalacka, it should be called North Khaki-lacka. The #1 fan look is team shirt tucked into khaki pants. We had a name for people that wore that when I was in school… NERDS!
  • The clemson dance team is outrageously hot. I wish we had found the club they were at last night. And they only have one male cheerleader, have to respect their lack of men on the baselines.
  • maryland fans wear underarmour, the Pepsi of athletic gear, like their life depended on it. I saw a father and his son wearing a combined five pieces of underarmour. Seriously, the kid had three underarmour shirts on. I know the company was started by a terp, but Mountain Dew was invented by a Hokie and you don’t see me rinsing my mouth after I brush my teeth with it. Moderation, people!

Ok, georgia tech beats unc and clemson gets bounced by an 11 or 12 seed for the second year in a row… now off for the clubs!

Late Night: Two blocks later we are rolling into the gentlemen’s club by our car. Here’s what I learned there:

  • Always ask to peek inside before you pay the cover. After dropping $15, we go inside and realize it is a dozen strippers (and nc a&t strippers at that), and us. No one else is there. It was like in Animal House when they roll into that bar off campus.
  • Guys have an expression called “stripper’s body”. As in, she has a… Well, these girls did not. They looked like the girls from a Weight Watchers “Before” photo shoot.
  • NC is no ATL.

Late Late Night: Off to Waffle House! Always a festive place to be at 2-3 AM. Always a good sign when a security guard is camped outside. Here’s what I learned there:

  • Your chances of getting stabbed, shot, or beaten to death go up 1,000% as soon as you get within 100 feet of a Waffle House.
  • If you like places that have prostitutes (actual ones), a guy that swallowed half a bottle of Ecstasy, and 20 drunks, then Waffle House is the place for you!
  • You can get your hashbrowns peppered, chilied, onioned, cheesed, and almost anything else, but you cannot get them until the next day. Seriously, you could time your service at a Waffle House with a sundial, except no one has ever actually been at a Waffle House during daylight.

Well, that’s it for Day 1. Let’s see what Day 2 holds for the Weekend Warrior (at least it won’t include a urologist… I hope).

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The Weekend Warrior Walks a Mile in the Shoes of the hoos

Alright, ladies, it is time for the annual roundball game in ch’ville with our be-hated rivals, the wahoos.  And I can’t help but think that being a uva fan right now is very similar to how many Americans felt exactly one year when President Obama took office.  Both the Head Basketball Coach, Obama-stunt-double Dave Leitao, and Head Football Coach, Al Groh, have had their “terms end” in the last year with some very tough approval ratings.  In comes the new regime, full of hope and promise.

So let me slip on some boat shoes, grab a diagonal tie, sip some white zin, nibble on some brie, and live the life of a wahoo sports fan for a few minutes…

State of the university:

I’m not sure who you would say was in a worse relative position – America a year ago or uva sports as of the time Groh was fired (I know what my vote would be – uva sports).  The cavs in over 50 years as a part of the ACC have never won an outright ACC football title.  They have tied for it twice in 1989 and 1995, but never won it outright.  The Hokies have three, plus a division title, in six years in the league and the league has four more teams than it did until fsu took over the conference in 1992.  Heck, the league only had nine teams until 2004 and uva still couldn’t win it outright.

Their newly-former coach, Al Groh needs no introduction.  Groh won ACC Coach of the Year (twice!) in 2002 and 2007.  But he was just 59-53 in nine seasons at uva and just 36-36 in conference play, never winning a division or ACC title.  uva missed making a bowl his last two seasons.  Of course, the biggest dagger for him was his 1-8 record against the Hokies and watching VT win three outright ACC titles and another division title in six years.  And to think he is now georgia tech’s Defensive Coordinator!  Wow, who’d have thought he’d be our savior in terms of ruining the jackets.

In basketball, it isn’t that much better.  The hoos have just one ACC Basketball Tournament title, in 1976, but have won or shared the regular season title five times, the last in 2006-07.  They have 16 NCAA Tournament appearances (VT has eight) and two Final Four trips in ’81 and ’84.  You’d definitely say this was the stronger of those two sports.  But with just two NCAA Tournament appearances since 1997, the program has definitely been in a decline.

Recently fired Dave Leitao was the 2006-07 ACC Coach of the Year and led the hoos to their only NCAA Tournament appearance since 2001.  But Leitao finished just 63-60 in four years at the helm and was a miserable 9-23 in ACC play.  He also was unable to break uva’s glass ceiling – the hoos have not made it past the ACC Quarterfinals in 14 years!  They have been eliminated in the ACC First Round or Quarterfinals every year since 1995 (Tech’s made the semi-finals twice).

I’ve often thought to myself as I’m walking out of Lane or Scott Stadium after yet another Hokie win over the hoos, “It really cannot get any better than this.  uva sports (the ones that really matter) are as low as they can possibly be, and Hokie sports are doing fantastic.”  The scary thing is, history tells us this will all change at some point.  At some point uva may be #1 in the nation in football again as they were back in 1990.  Of course, that lead to uva losing four straight to finish the season and spawned my favorite t-shirt of all time: “uva football: #1 in the country [crossed out], the ACC [crossed out], Virginia [crossed out], charlottesville”.  At some point uva basketball may make another Final Four, or even make the semi-finals of the ACC Tournament!  Gasp!   And who knows if we can continue to be the dominant football program in the ACC after Beamer, or stay around .500 in basketball every year.

So Hokies really need to enjoy these glory days.  Not only is VT riding the gravy train on biscuit wheels, but uva is about as irrelevant in both sports as you can be.  I guarantee they bring out their national champion soccer team during the basketball game this Thursday and I guarantee I will stand up and yell, “Nobody cares!  You’d trade that title in a minute to have our football program!”  (the real football, not futbol – sorry Davey)

All this brings us to…

Hope and Change!

“Yes we can,” the hoos shout!  They believe their new basketball coach, Tony Bennett, and new football coach, Mike London, can revive their programs from obscurity back to those glory days when they were in the “Others Receiving Votes” category!  They can brag once again to Hokie fans about their athletic teams, and recapture the Commonwealth Cup instead of talking about the Directors’ Cup (formerly the Sears Cup that no one really cares about).

But can they?  If Obama’s first year is any indication, it won’t be easy.  The unemployment rate has risen from 7% to over 10%.  The US still had more than 100,000 troops in Iraq as of November 2009 and had sent close to 50,000 to Afghanistan.  He still hadn’t passed even an initial health care reform bill.  But did a study and found that of his 502 campaign promises, more than half were “still in the works” and 91 had been fulfilled.  That breaks down to about a 20% winning percentage after one year in terms of fulfillment, or 50% in terms of being in progress.  Using the latter, that means going 8-8 in conference in basketball or 4-4 in football.

The basketball team, after struggling out of conference, did win their first three ACC games to sit alone in first.  This prompted one of my uva buddies to text me talking trash.  I pointed out to him this was the first time he had texted me to talk trash about uva sports since the last Winter Olympics.  uva promptly nearly lost to a crappy unc-wilmington team at home, and they got smoked at wake forest.  So the cavs certainly aren’t back yet in basketball, but they will surely surpass Leitao’s 4-12 mark of last year.  Things seem to be looking up, at least a tad.

In football, their current situation reminds me of our old mountain home.  In the cupboards up there, we had a 15 year old can of Dinty Moore beef stew.  For some reason, it never got thrown out.  And the running joke was if we ever got snowed in, we’d have to eat it.  Well, uva’s football talent right now is about as well stocked as our old cupboard.  They have nothing, other than maybe a lot of Dinty Moore beef stew.  And they have a fairly weak recruiting class coming in next year.  As bad as this season was for uva football, it could be worse next year.  But obviously the hoos realize it will take a while for London, who won a I-AA title at richmond, time to turn things around.  And the scary thing for Hokies is if he can turn things around in terms of recruiting, namely in Virginia, it will have an adverse effect on Tech.  But pardon me if I’m not worried yet.  Even Groh had a dominant year in the state in recruiting his first full year and we saw what that led to.

Final Thoughts:

After a few moments as a hoo fan, I think I’ll keep my burnt orange and Chicago maroon clothing all the same.  It cannot possibly get any worse for the hoos, but it will also be a long road to prominence, or even meaningfullness, for them.  But if the Hokies win Thursday night in ch’ville for just the second time since 1968, I’ll think to myself, “This really is the greatest era to be a Hokie: we’re on top and firmly sitting on their faces.”  Now I have to go hit the shower and wash all this wahoo stink off me.

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In Game Commentary | VT @ iowa

11:29 PM: Wednesday is a SNOW DAY!  Call in snowed in to work!

11:28 PM: FYI: Finished the 40 a while ago…

11:27 PM: winner, winner, chicken dinner!  VT will win this!  Up 68-64 with 10 seconds to go and the ball.  Big game for Bell.

11:19 PM: VT up 4 with less than 4 minutes to go.  And if VT could rebound they would be up a lot more.  iowa has hit 11 threes and Tucker has 21 points for them.  He averaged 8 coming in.  Yeesh.  FINISH!

11:15 PM: iowa took the lead.  Well, then VT goes on a 6-0 run culminated by a Bell jam!  VT 59-54!  4:55 to go.

11:05 PM: Only up 1 at the under 8 timeout.  Pathetic.  iowa is 10/21 on threes.  FYI: they were shooting 27% coming into tonight.

10:57 PM: I now encourage all VT fans to start drinking 40’s while watching these games.  It is going to be that kind of a season.  I cast a Level-2 charm spell on you.  Still confident we will win this game, though I’m sure we will make it interesting.  iowa will be in the 1-and-1 the rest of the way and that’s bad news for a team that can’t shoot.  Don’t give them free points.

10:53 PM: Ted Valentine is the worst.  Period.  And he wears really tight referee pants.  VT needs to put this game away.  Uh, oh, beef jerky isn’t sitting pretty, be back in a few…

10:46 PM: Delaney up to 14 points.  iowa has 24 points off three-pointers tonight.  They were shooting under 30% coming in.  Ugh.  Are we the cure-all for offensive woes???   iowa just shot their first FTs of the night 23 minutes into the game.  They are… not good.  Yet only down 5.  Please put a game away early for once, Hokies.

10:39 PM: Davila dunk!  VT up 10 and a quick 30 by iowa.  And 5-star on DJ Hero TWW.

10:26 PM: Halftime = DJ Hero time!  I ain’t no hollaback girl.  I ain’t no hawkeye girl, either (aka: Really hefty according to the crowd shots I saw).  Halfway to 40 oz. of freedom.  2nd half isn’t going to be pretty.

10:20 PM: Good guys 34, iowa 28.  Delaney leads us with 9 at the half but the big story was Ben Boggs hitting two three-pointers when VT was down early.  iowa jumped out to an 11-3 lead but the Hokies used a 10-2 run to tie the game at unlucky 13, and then used a 17-2 run to go up 10 at 32-22.  Two three-pointers later the lead was down to 4 but Delaney hit a late runner (great sign since he hasn’t hit any all year) to put VT up 6 at the half.  FYI: Tucker has 14 for iowa at the half.  The rest of their offense is terrible.  Guard him!

10:13 PM: Hokies up 27-22 at the last media timeout of the half and VT is holding their own with Delaney and Allen on the bench.

10:07 PM: Had my first good idea of the night (clearly 32″ of beef jerky and 40 oz. of malt liquor wasn’t one): Next year – 24 hours of the ACC/Big(11)Ten Challenge!  Play all the games back-to-back-to-back and so on.  VT would get that coveted 4 AM slot.

10:06 PM: Allen with the steal, the dribble, and the dunk!  Hokies up 23-20.  iowa looks like a monkey trying to hump a basketball on offense.

9:57 PM: Seth gave a very motivational pregame speech – “be a good teammate”… and so on.  Anyway, iowa has realized they are iowa and started missing shots.  Manny Atkins has made an appearance.  He and Boggs seeing early action.  I guess Seth figures we might as well see what the freshman can do. 

Oh, is this game a black-out at iowa?  No, wait, those are empty seats.  15-17 bad guys.

9:49 PM: iowa, who has as much offensive skill as a rec league team, has 13 points at the first TV timeout.  A guy fatter than Roseanne Barr has hit two threes.  Luckily, Ben Boggs has hit two threes (great sign!).  11-13 bad guys at the first break.  Delaney still can’t hit a two-point shot.  I wonder if Allen sat the first four minutes to avoid getting his mandatory “first 2 minutes of the game” foul?

9:43 PM: iowa, who averages less than 60 ppg, has 8 in the first 1:20.  And Hudson bricked his first three.  Not a good start.

9:41 PM: Tip off to the Hokies.  Plenty of good seats still available, if you are in the area, come on out.  Thompson started over Allen, not sure what happened there.

9:36 PM: Stop fouling!  Yeesh.  Admit defeat.

9:33 PM: Tip is at 9:38.  FYI: the ACC is down 3-1 to the Big(11)Ten with the maryland win.  Interestingly, in five of the 10 years of this event the ACC has won by just one game, so they still have a shot.  This might be the year though for the Big(11)Ten with six home games total and the ACC having lost 12 of the 18 all conference players from last year.

9:28 PM: Let’s get this crappy maryland @ indiana game over with!  Let’s get the big game of the night on (forget msu @ unc).  FYI: if you are looking for live stats, here you go: CSTV Link

9:25 PM: All right, ladies, it’s time!  I’ve consumed 32 inches of beef jerky and I’m ready to open 40 oz. of the BULL!  40 oz for 40 minutes of intensity!  The Weekend Warrior is making a weekday appearance!  Let’s see how many exclamation points I can use!

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TWW: The Column | Weekend Warrior Goes 18-0 in Bar Arm Wrestling

There have been many great feats in sports: Rob Bironas hitting eight field goals in one game, Kobe Bryant hitting 12 three-pointers in a game, and Bob Horner hitting four home runs in a game.  But last night there was a new entry that will go down in history: The Weekend Warrior went 18-0 arm wrestling people at Hokie House Saturday night.  Now, there is one thing we should note: he was only arm wrestling women.  But oh, what a display of pure strength it was!

One patron called it the “greatest display of arm wrestling domination against women” he had ever seen.  It was very Andy Kaufman-esque.  And with each victory The Weekend Warrior would erupt in a wild victory celebration that made Chad Ochocinco’s antics seem mild.  Two women were poor sports about it, with one slapping The Weekend Warrior and the other throwing a drink on him as he concluded his celebration elation.  But all that’s just the taste of greatness.

Women were coming up to TWW from all over the bar to see if they could be the one to take him down.  They weren’t.  The only thing going down was their arm at rocket-like speeds to the mat.  Some men came up and asked if they could take on TWW.  His reply was, “No!  Women only.” 

TWW was fueled by the Bear Fight (Jager Bomb and Car Bomb drinks back-to-back) he had done earlier in the evening.

Shout out to vt1fan, Bartlett, Tone Loc, Chris, and Eric for being there for the festivities.  And hats off to Mandy, Morgan, Jenn, Jennifer, Barbara, Emily, Jenn #2, Christy, Adrian, Mary, Elizabeth, Maria, Janet, Erin, Amy, Sarah, Lizzy, and Jenny from up the block for being victims.

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The Weekend Warrior Crashes the ACC Tournament

For those of you not fortunate enough to get to make the trek to this year’s ACC Tournament, the Weekend Warrior gives you an all-access pass to the tourney in Atlanta.  And we mean ALL ACCESS. 
ACCTourney09 020

Click ‘Read more’ to see his running journal… 

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The Weekend Warrior Travels Back In Time: To See Metallica

This past week the Weekend Warrior (WW) went to see the ultimate Hokie band – Metallica!  Tell us Enter Sandman doesn’t make your hair stand up any time you hear it, whether it be as the Hokies charge out of the tunnel at Lane, in your car, or before you arm curl somebody.  Well our own WW went to try and see it live…

Click ‘Read more’ to hear the blow-by-blow details of his adventure…

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Recap | The Weekend Warrior vs. BK’s Angry Whopper

We here at like to think we cover all bases when it comes to Virginia Tech basketball.  We tell you about the team, their opponents, their recruits, the arena.  Now, we will even start to give you tips on possible meals as you are driving to games.  This weekend VT faces uva at the Cassell.  So let’s take a look at BK’s newest delicacy, the “Angry Whopper”.

For those of you living in the fast food stone age, you may not be familiar with the “Angry Whopper”.  It is includes the following:

  • Cheese whopper
  • ANGRY sauce!
  • ANGRY spicy onion rings!
  • ANGRY pepper jack cheese!
  • and last but not least, ANGRY jalapenos!

Hell hath no fury like a burger scorned!  Satan himself could not have thought an angrier burger, or so it seemed.  Let’s recap the Weekend Warrior’s battle with it:

  • 5:41 PM – Ready for the first bite… my taste buds are cowering with fear.  They haven’t been this concerned since I used “Megasoreass” hot sauce on my scrambled eggs back in the Winter of ’05. 
  • 5:42 PM – And we have it!  My teeth sink into the whopper.  I chew, I chew… wait for it… wait for it… swallow… any minute now… IS THAT BURNING TONGUE I SMELL?… no, no, just my heater turning on.
  • 5:43 PM – Still no discernable pain.  In fact, it pretty much tastes like a regular whopper.  That’s OK, I probably just didn’t get any ANGRY sauce or ANGRY rings or ANGRY jalapenos in that bite. 
  • 5:44 PM – Bite #2.  Oh, the humanity of it!  I bit into an onion ring and MAN, WAS IT ANGRY!!!  Well, not so much.  It was more annoying than angry, like when a bowl of soup is lukewarm.
  • 5:46 PM – At this point in time I taste my first jalapeno… more tingly than spicy.   This is certainly the hottest part of the sandwich, but it isn’t making me angry.
  • 5:52 PM – I have now finished said “Angry Whopper” and the only thing I’m angry about is how mild it was!  Was this some kind of a sick joke BK pulled on me?  At this point I keep waiting for a Pizza Hut delivery dude to walk out and go, “We made the whopper!”

So, on an angry scale, I give it a ‘2’, in terms of spiciness.  In terms of angriness at BK, I give it a ‘7’ (on a scale to 10).  Long story short, pass right on by that BK on the way to the uva/VT game.  Get the spicy chicken pizza at PK’s (not BK’s).

But, we aren’t quite done yet.  For those of you that know the Weekend Warrior, you know he battles IBS.  To put it into perspective, here’s how soon he uses the facilities after certain meals:

  • Within an hour: chili
  • Within 30 minutes: any thing with cheese in it other than blue cheese
  • Within 15 minutes: Kraft Mac & “Cheese”, Ray’s Hell Burgers
  • Within 10 minutes: anything with blue cheese in it
  • While he’s eating it: hot wings
  • While he’s eating it, right after he eats it, and on the walk home from eating it: 911 wings at Sharkey’s

Well, this alleged Angry Whopper couldn’t even anger up my volatile bowels.  An hour later, there was some brewing downstairs, but no activity.  That, my friends, is the last straw.  This burger is no whopper, it is a flopper.

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The Weekend Warrior at the Phone Booth

The Weekend Warrior made one of the shortest road trips of his life, heading from his palacious castle in Arlington to the Verizon Center (the “Phone Booth”) to see the Virginia Tech/Navy and gwu/maryland basketball games.  He was accompanied by DuffHokie and Nickles, who have been part of various articles along the way on here.  Here are some of the highlights:

  • It was nice being able to go to a game without use of a car – just walked to the Metro, took a train on the Orange (Bowl) Line, and pow, at the arena.  On the way, we loaded up our socks with airplane bottles.  The trick is to wear big, wintery socks (or soccer socks).  Just stick an airplane bottle on each side of each sock down around the lower calf region, but above the ankles.  Assuming you aren’t wear spandex (and I pray that you are not), your pants hide the bottles from over-molesting security guards.  Plus, it is still comfortable to walk.  Never say didn’t teach you anything (like how to use a double negative).  Helps you save on those outrageous beer prices at the game. 
  • While waiting for a second train at Metro Center, some dude on the other side of the tracks was basically putting on a dance show for his friends on my side of the tracks.  Except he couldn’t dance.  It was like watching a bad 80s dance video, and even worse, it lasted about as long as one.  I was completely creeped out.  Clue to this guy: you are not invisible, we can all see what an idiot you are.
  • On my way in I ran into regular ‘vatechhokies50′.  It was nice to finally meet you!
  • Early in the game, they put the three of us on the Jumbotron for at least 20 seconds.  It actually got pretty awkward after a while.  We screamed and yelled at first, but then eventually relaxed and sat back down.  But they kept us on… and on… and on.  Finally, I figured I better come up with something to keep the crowd entertained, so I figured out how to make a ‘VT’ with my fingers after some trial and error.  I felt like we were on a reality show we were up on the screen so long.
  • [Added per DuffHokie’s request] Watching the timeout shooting contestants was like watching Paris Hilton do long division – it wasn’t pretty.  It looked like these guys had never touched a basketball before, similar to how it looked like the Dr. Pepper passing contestants at the ACC Championship game had never thrown a football before.  Seriously, can they not have a screening process for these things?  I almost think the guy dancing at the Metro station would have done better.
  • At some point late in the game they announced the “McDonald’s Winning Row”.  Guess what – it was our row!  That’s right, female dogs, we won!  Now you may be asking yourself: What does a McDonald’s winning row get?  I’ll tell you what: a coupon for a free filet-o-fish and a Southern style chicken sandwich.  That’s it.  Two lousy items they cannot sell because no one wants them.  They wouldn’t even give us extra coupons.  Are you [blanking] kidding me???  They pay all this money to the Verizon Center to have this prize, and then this is all they give out.  Let’s just say the boos started raining down on the poor event staff girl that handed them out.

After our game, I got to really focus on what I came to do: make fun of maryland fans.  I know, I know, Hokies Respect and ACC Sportsmanship and all that crap.  But come on, md fans are known as easily the worst and most obnoxious in the ACC.  Yet all we did is give them the business.  Why?  We own them and they know it. 

Since joining the ACC, VT is 3-0 against the twerps in football and 4-2 in basketball (including 3 in a row).  We have won 3 ACC football titles and gotten a first round bye in the ACC Tournament 3 of 4 years (they have 0 football titles in that span and just 1 ACC Tournament bye).

During the maryland game, a chorus of “Boooooooi-se, Boooooooi-se” was common on twerp free throws from our section (maryland is headed to the Smurf Turf for their bowl game in Boise, Idaho).  On others we would chant, “NIT, NIT!”  We made fun of anything and everything about them.  And what did they do?  Not one thing.  They had to just sit there and take it because we are their daddies and they know it.  I did get enough evil eyes to fill a sack, though.  But I have to admit, it was fun bullying the bullies.

One final note to the Verizon Center people: having alcohol sales until the final 15 minutes of the second half of the second game is probably a bad idea.  I think this is what led to getting lost inside a restaurant after the game.  Their alcohol policy meant you basically had 4 hours of drinking time.  That is not a good thing, especially when you are wearing 2 stockings overflowing with gifts of Wild Turkey!

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Tallahassee or Bust | The Weekend Warrior Road Trip

This weekend the Weekend Warrior headed down to seminole country to watch the Hokies meet the noles in football, and to check out the Tallahassee-Leon County Civic Center (pictured), where the Hokies will conclude their basketball regular season slate with a game against the noles on Sunday, March 8th.

If you have seen the movie Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, you basically have the story of my trip to florida state this weekend. And it didn’t get much better after I got there. I would rank it down there with the 1994 Gator Bowl trip as “worst… trip… ever!” Here’s the rundown…


Severe head cold starts setting in during the afternoon. This is great since I have a 7 AM flight on Friday.


5:30 AM – Adios, VA, sunny Florida here we come!

6:10 AM – Through the security line in record time and at my gate, nothing is stopping me now! Also, nothing is stopping my sinuses from getting worse.

7:00 AM – On the plane and pulling back from the gate! I should be at the pool all oiled up sipping bourbon-coladas by noon!

—and here marks the end of the fun part of my weekend—

7:01 AM – The pilot informs us that Atlanta has shut down all incoming traffic due to low visibility and light rain. We will be sitting on the tarmac for at least a half hour until the tower updates us. Considering we are supposed to land at 9 and my connection to Tallahassee leaves at 10, I’m concerned but not panicking yet.

7:35 AM – The pilot updates us by telling us that we will have to sit for another hour with 8:30 as the likely take off time. Considering this puts us in the ATL after my connection is supposed to leave, this seems to be a problem. But, being the optimist I am, I assume my next flight is being delayed also by this “low visibility and light rain”.

7:50 AM – I have now blown through (pun intended) the three Kleenex I brought with me with no end in sight. This is not good.

8:20 AM – I have begun using the air sick bag as a tissue. Not sure if I’m bleeding from my sinuses or paper cuts.

8:35 AM – Finally we are off the ground and headed to the Dirty South!

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The Weekend Warrior Travels to the ricky stokes Bowl

They say a picture is worth a 1000 words, and frankly, I don’t feel like writing a thousand words about watching VT lose to eazy-u last weekend in the ricky stokes Bowl, Part II*. But it was quite a trip up until about 3 PM Saturday.

*I call it the ricky stokes Bowl since the worst head coach in college basketball history, heck, maybe even history period, “led” both VT and ecu. Tech was 46-69 in four years of stokes ball, including their only home losing season in the history of the Cassell. Then, his former coach at uva, terry holland, hired him at ecu. No clue what he was thinking. stokes proved everyone else but holland right when he “led” the pirates to a 14-44 record in two seasons, including 3-25 in mighty c-usa.


Charlotte or bust! Well, not exactly. My rental Dodge Not-A-SUV-Not-A-Car and I hit the road, picking up regular, Duffy. Day 1 involves leaving Washington, D.C. and heading about 85 miles west and then south to Woodstock, VA. Why stop there? The Shenandoah County Fair, of course! Shenandoah County, which was home to VT 2009 recruit Erick Green, can be summed up in one word: country. I saw lots of pro-McCain, pro-VT, and didn’t see much in the way of diversity, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

Duffy and I walked up to the Fair around 5 PM. Bitter Moment #1: It was a dry fair. I guarantee you there is a great fight story behind that one. Luckily I had smuggled two tallboys in my Canadian tuxedo jacket so we were fine for the time being. Let that be a lesson to always be prepared.

Bitter Moment #2: The rides were shut down for the day. Great.

Great Moment #1: I ran into Miss Shenandoah County! Good thing I had my best Canadian Tuxedo on to impress her! Unfortunately, I didn’t have my temporary tattoos of “T-Bone” and a bull on me yet.

So get this – she has to hand out the ribbons for each cow in the cow-judging-contest, or whatever it is called! Talk about a perk of being Miss ShenCo! Although I enjoyed watching the guy that had to judge them. He’s all in his dress shirt and slacks, practically giving the cows a rub-and-tug. Are there training classes for this???
[Click ‘Read more’ below to see the rest of the trip]
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The Weekend Warrior: A Bouncer?


Many of you have been regaled with stories of the Weekend Warrior arm wrestling guys three times his size (and he isn’t small): A Tall Tale of Arm Wrestling Paul Bunyan.  Well, apparently America has liked what they saw.  Or at least one dude did. 

While the Weekend Warrior was at one of his favorite Arlington watering holes last weekend, a man approached TWW and asked him to step outside.  No, he wasn’t looking to give TWW a [female dog] slap like Manny Ramirez did to Kevin Youkilis last night, or punch like a woman like Coco Crisp did (seriously, the red sox might need to start wearing skirts the way they fight).  The man wanted to ask TWW if he wanted to be a bouncer at a new bar opening up.  TWW’s reply was, “If I do this, I want to be called T-Bone.”

And to think the Weekend Warrior has wasted 10 years of his life in Corporate America when he could have been living the glamorous life of a bouncer.  Hmm…

gus gilchrist

gus gilchrist was spotted at a Denny’s in morgantown, wv yesterday.  Word is he was seated, ordered the “Moons over My Hammy”, then got up and left.  He then went to an IHOP, ordered, received his food, and then bailed again but demanded he get his pancakes to go for free.  No word on which restaurant he headed to next.

Chipper Jones vs the Hokies

With his 4/5 performance last night (including his 400th career home run), Chipper Jones is now hitting .418 on the season.  Just to put this into perspective, this is higher than Deron Washington’s (.416), Hank Thorn’s (.344), and Dorenzo Hudson’s (.356) field goal percentages from last season.  In fact, it is higher than Cheick Diakite’s free throw percentage (.375) last season!  Virginia Tech’s opponents shot for a lower percentage than this from the field last year (.407).

And yes, Chipper would kick Mike Ditka’s butt (old SNL gag about da Bears).

And yes, I realize I’ve jinxed Chipper by mentioning this.

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Come From Behind Victory in Cornhole Spurs 2 Game Sweep | The Weekend Warrior

Champions know what it takes to win.  Sometimes that means a classless act of distraction to get inside your opponents head.  And that’s exactly what The Weekend Warrior did to rattle his opponent in Cornhole (also know as Beanbag Toss or Tailgate Toss where you throw bags at a slightly inclined board), leading them to a 21-19 victory and then a 21-10 woodshed to complete a two game sweep in the RFK parking lot before the Brewers vs. Nationals baseball game on Friday night (yes, I realize they don’t play at RFK but that is still the best place to tailgate). 

Trailing 19-10 in the first game, The Weekend Warrior (TWW) and Nickles, his partner, were up against the wall.  But Cornhole is a game of momentum swings, and TWW and team used old ‘mo, and some head games, to rally.  After Nickles picked up a nickle (5 points), TWW dipped into his bag of tricks – the ole fake toss.  What you do is as your opponent is getting ready to throw his bean bag, you fake like you are about to throw yours.  The first couple of times you can claim you just forgot whose turn it was.  Eventually, you just have to admit you are a jerk.

The strategy worked to perfection as the Warrior and Nickles tallied the final 11 points of the game, prompting one of the losers to state, “I never want to play with you two again.”  TWW and Nickles dominated the next match-up, and cruised to the win, then got the heck out of dodge (we didn’t know any of the people, just kicked their butt and left… oh, and one of them currently attends the u… c-a-n-e-s canes!).

TWW, who was 2nd Team All-State in Cornhole back in ’94, was named Most Outstanding Bagger.  “I just gave it 110% and things worked out,” the Warrior stated afterwards.  “Oh, and not carrying what people think of me helped, too.  I just thought to myself the immortal words of Reese Bobby in Talledega Nights: ‘If you ain’t first, you’re last.'”

Random Notes:

  • Don’t make fun of kids in military fatigues on Memorial Day Weekend around strangers.  But if you do, and an old guy confronts you afterwards, claim a guy 10 feet away said it and laugh as he goes to confront the confused stranger.
  • If you are going to try and smuggle beers into a pro baseball game, don’t get to the stadium 90 minutes ahead of time when the security checker has nothing better to do then check you and your bulging pockets.  Guard: “What’s in your pockets?”  TWW: “Beers?”  Guard: “Give them to me.”  Adios, 2 Lites.  Guard: “You have any more?”  TWW: “Yes.”  Good bye, #3.
  • Booing zimmerman never gets old.  And TWW actually got a uva fan to admit uva is the most underachieving athletic program in the ACC.  Oh, and “zimmerman lives in DuPont” is always a nice heckle.
  • If Cornhole was an Olympic sport, I’d be in Beijing in a few months.

Things I forgot to mention when I originally wrote this:

  • I forgot to mention the guys tailgating next to the Cornhole losers.  They were drinking Original Coors – aka: the Banquet Beer!!!  Seriously, I thought it was there just for show at the grocery store.  I asked them if they had cooled it in a creek, or the Anacostia River.  They said no.  This disappointed me greatly.  It is not truly Original Coors unless you’ve used nature to cool it.
  • I got tricked into getting Mario’s after the game.  For those of you not familiar with Arlington, 90% of Mario’s business (subs/pizza) is done after 1 AM and everywhere else is closed.  That should give you an idea for the quality of food they are offering. 
  • At Mario’s, I ordered a “Gristle Steak & Chee”.  Now, they call it a Steak & Chee on the menu, but trust me, there’s way more gristle than real meat.  Ugh.
  • I also got a slice of pizza for some reason.  Or “pizza”, because it is pretty much chee flavored spackling and catsup on cardboard.  Didn’t eat it, threw it out the next morning.

Before you email us and tell us we screwed up by capitalizing “Navy” in the BB&T article, we just want you to know we do capitalize the service academies.  They have earned that right for sure.  Hats off to all you veterans (and currently serving) on this Memorial Day!  And by mentioning the BB&T game next season, I actually turned this into a basketball related article!

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Greatest All-Time Basketball Movies | The Weekend Warrior

You may be wondering what classifies as a “basketball” movie.  Well, I’m being pretty liberal here.  Let’s count anything that focuses on a basketball player, a team, or just has a lot of basketball in it.  It can be a comedy, drama, or documentary.  Pretty much, everything is fair game.  So without further adieu, let’s get to the list.

The Top Shelf Six Pack

  1. Hoosiers (1986) - Based on a true story – Plot: A small town team with just six or seven players battles for the Indiana state title (there’s only one division) - The gold standard for basketball movies.  It is also one of my Top 10 favorite movies of all-time in any category, maybe even Top 5.   Based on a true story in a basketball-mad state about maybe the greatest Cinderella/David beating Goliath team of all time.  Sure it is sappy, but it is also extremely uplifting.  The musical score is great and the acting is superb.   And Coach Normal Dale (Gene Hackman) is a Bobby Knight you can actually love.  Basketball scenes are well done.  Rewatchability: 10 – Seriously, if it is on, I’m watching it.  Or at least seeing where in the movie it is.
  2. Hoop Dreams (1994) – Documentary – Plot: A filmmaker follows around two high school basketball players, one of which is a phenom, for four years, detailing their lives, too – Believe me, this movie is close to #1.  The thing that drops it down is that because it is a documentary, it is slow at times and very long.  But the concept of following a high school phenom and a slightly above average player around for all four years of high school was brilliant.  This was reality long before Survivor and all the other reality TV shows came along.  The real life drama that these two kids, and their families, face in Chicago is spellbinding.  And there’s a stunning twist during their senior seasons.  Random drinking game: take a drink every time someone says “downstate”.  You won’t make it to the end of the movie if you do.  Real basketball footage.  Rewatchability: 6 – I have watched it twice since I saw it in the theater.  It is worth watching every four of five years and laughing at the clothes from the late 80s/early 90s and remembering the story.  But it is slow.
  3. He Got Game (1998) – Drama – A Spike Lee Joint (guys get that) – Plot: A high school phenom (Ray Allen) goes through the recruiting process with eveyone telling him where to go, including his dad (Denzel Washington) who was let out of jail just to lure him to go to a state official’s alma mater – I walked out of this movie thinking to myself, “Man, I wish I had practiced basketball every day so I could have gone on college recruiting trips.”  (I’m referring to the three-some scene)  The story is very good and draws you in.  Of course Denzel Washington’s acting is brilliant but Ray Allen puts forth an amazing performance, too.  The movie is a nice look at how everybody wants something from a talented star.  Not much in the way of actual “basketball” action, yet the whole movie is about life off the court.  Rewatchability: 8 – Like I said, the story really draws you in and makes you root for Jesus and his dad.
  4. White Men Can’t Jump (1992) – Comedy – Plot: Two basketball players (Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes) hustle games for money and drop a thousand one-liners – By far the funniest basketball movie of all time.  I still use quotes from this movie: “It’s too easy!”  Coincidentally, Woody is in the least funny bball movie, too, Semi-Pro.  This movie will have you laughing the entire time and the basketball scenes are decent.  Would be #3 but He Got Game has more plot and a greater message.  Rewatchability: 10 – I’ll watch it any time it is on.
  5. Above the Rim (1994) – Drama – Plot: A high school kid wants to overcome the streets and make it to play for Georgetown – I’m biased to this movie because I’m in the crowd in the final scene.  I think you can see my hat.  Anyway, this movie is a cross between He Got Game (even though it came first) and Hoop Dreams.  It is sombering watching Tupac, who actually does a good job in this movie.  Basketball scenes are average, but the story keeps you hooked.  Rewatchability: 5 – I haven’t seen it on TV too much lately.  I need to dial it up on Netflix.
  6. Finding Forrester (2000) – Drama – Plot: A really smart and really good high school basketball player befriends a reclusive writer as he adjusts to an uppity school – This is the least “basketball-ish” of these six movies.  But since it is based on a basketball player, I’m counting it.  Quality acting with Sean Connery and a good supporting cast.  And what’s funnier that hearing Connery, in an English accent, say, “You’re the man now, dog!”  Rewatchability: 4 – Haven’t watched it again since I first saw it.  Hmm… should I add it to Netflix?

Six Pack of One-Timers (see them once)

  • Blue Chips (1994) – Drama/Comedy – Plot: College coach becomes corrupt to win – How can a movie with Nick Nolte, Shaq, Larry Bird, Bobby Knight, Penny Hardaway, and Dick Vitale stink?  Not sure, but this movie found a way.  But watching Shaq play a college freshman is pretty entertaining, as is bribing a recruit with a tractor.  And the basketball scenes are great since they have a NBA all-star team on one college team.
  • Teen Wolf (1985) – Comedy – Plot: A high school kid adjusts to being part wolf – Classic “what were the writers smoking” 80s comedy.  A wolf playing high school basketball is more believable than Michael J. Fox as a basketball player, yet somehow this movie works.  Funny and entertaining.  You just have to put on your 80s glasses and remember: it doesn’t have to make sense. 
  • Rebound: The Legend of Earl “The Goat” Manigault (1996) – Based on a true story – Plot: A high school can’t-miss prospect misses because of drug abuse – This is NOT the Martin Lawrence movie.  It is a very sad story, and because it is mostly true, really gives a good lesson.  But the acting is poor, budget is low, and basketball scenes aren’t very good.  Read up on The Goat.  The legends about him, if true, are incredible.
  • Through the Fire (2005) - Documentary – Plot: Sebastian Telfair, a high school point guard, has to figure out if he wants to go to college or the NBA – Read the book, The Jump, instead.  It is 100 times better.  This movie is a like a Subway sandwich: no meat.  But still worth trying to get through once.
  • Coach Carter (2005) – Based on a true story – Plot: A strict disciplinarian coach whips an urban LA team into shape – See my Glory Road comments below and wash, rinse, repeat.  At least this movie has Samuel L. Jackson and isn’t “hurrah for everything”.
  • Baseketball (1998) – Comedy – Plot: Two losers invent a sport to get chicks and not suck – I think it is pretty darn funny, especially the taunting.  But it isn’t really a baseketball movie, so it is down here.


  • Basketball Diaries (1995) – Leonardo DiCaprio gives a great performance and I knew this movie wasn’t really about basketball, but it still stunk overall.  The one or two basketball scenes are awful and the rest of the movie is just about drunks and JO’ing.
  • Semi-Pro (2008) – Will Ferrell, but not funny.  He’s forcing things now.  He’s the new Adam Sandler.   Needs to go back to being a supporting star, not the main guy.
  • Glory Road (2006) – Based on a true story – Plot: Texas Western, with an all black starting lineup, beats an all white team – A poor man’s Remember the Titans without Denzel Washington.  Way too sappy.  A classic Disney puke fest.  Would be better as a documentary with interviews and old game footage. 

Haven’t Seen:

  • Love & Basketball (2000) – If it was “Basketball & Love”, I might watch it.  But it isn’t.
  • A Season on the Brink (2002)  – I refuse to ever watch this because ESPN made it, they showed 4,142,387 commercials about it leading up to it, and I hate Bobby Knight.  Plus, if I watch an ESPN movie, it is like saying it is OK for them to do stuff like this.  Next thing you know, they are like MTV (no music videos).

Summary – there really hasn’t been a good college basketball movie yet.  Shocking, especially considering how big the NCAA Tournament is.  Blue Chips was crap, as was Glory Road.  And A Season on the Brink is a better book than movie.  All the top movies are about high school kids or teams (five of my top six are high school based).  I smell an untapped market!

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The Weekend Warrior | A Tall Tale

Last night I was at my favorite sports bar watching the NCAA games.   I was dressed in my Jackie Moon Flint Tropics jersey (Semi-Pro) which tends to draw attention to me. 

As is my nature, I drew even more attention to myself by talking smack to the biggest guy in the bar.  I think I was bitter he stood out even more than me.  How is this possible?  This guy was, at a minimum, 6’9″ and well north of 3 bills (300 lbs.).  He was mammoth.  He was the size of Thunderlips in Rocky III.  He was also wearing a mount st. mary’s “jersey”.  Well, I think it was a jersey.  It might have been a tablecloth for all I know.  His jersey size had more X’s in it than a porno movie.  To summarize, this guy was Paul Bunyon.

Paul, or PB, decided to start trash-talking back at the Weekend Warrior.  You just don’t do that.  Does he know I’ve arm-curled guys the size of Jeff Allen?  In other words, about half Bunyon’s size.  So I did the only thing I could do: I challenged him to an arm wrestling match, right there in the bar. 

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Road Trip | The Weekend Warrior Invades the Communist Center

Hey, gus, we are Virginia Tech, and we just prevailed… AGAIN!!!

gus walking off the court after yet another loss to the school he turned his back on.

The maryland message boards were mocking this photo of me and gus the other day… twerp board Wonder what they are saying now?

OK, enough about benedict gilchrist. Let’s take a look back at my night in maryland at the arena better known as the Communist Center…




4:45 PM – Getting a jump on traffic and heading to the game! I just have 18 miles to go, almost all on interstate, so I should be there in about 20 minutes!!!

4:55 PM – Already off 270 and onto I-495, better known as the Beltway! Making great time. Should be to the Communist Center by 5:20!

5:10 PM – Had 8 miles to go when I got on 495… have 7 miles left to go…

5:25 PM – OK, finally getting somewhere. I’m to where I-95 North breaks off so I’m sure traffic is going to lighten up. Just one mile to go for the Route 1 exit.

5:35 PM – I was wrong.

5:45 PM – Seriously, is this the most poorly designed exit ever? We have 22 lanes converging into 2 lanes on Route 1. maryland!

6:00 PM – Outside the arena. 32,000 empty parking spots. 17,000 seat arena. All parking spots are reserved. Hmm. Even L.A. would find this ridiculous.

6:05 PM – I’m parked, but I might as well be at “McBryde Hall” and be walking to Cassell.

6:20 PM – Tickets in hand! A maryland employee hooked me up. She told me these were great seats but also said, “Don’t wear Virginia Tech gear.” I now know why… I’m in the maryland student section. My seats aren’t even together, my buddy is in the row behind me. What do I care, they’re free.

6:35 PM – Buddy picks me up back at my parking spot. Off to the bar!

6:45 PM – DOUBLE BOURBON and coke!! Seriously, that’s how she made them. I’m not even sure there’s any Coke in them. Not complainin’, just sayin’.

6:55 PM – DOUBLE BOURBON and coke, Part II!!

7:15 PM – OK, enough of that. Single bourbon and Coke time. I want to remember the game.

7:20-7:45 PM – [scene missing… dang double bourbons!]

7:45 PM – I find myself in a debate about which conference is the worst BCS football conference. I say the ACC. RichRod says the Big East. Neither of us make any actual points, sticking to the always popular, “dude, it just is” or “you haven’t made a good point yet” or “because it just is” arguments. Seriously, we should both be politicians. We have their debating style down pat.

8:05 PM – Closing my tab. Bartender actually asks me what I had. Not sure how to answer this. Completely caught off guard. In reality, I had 2 double bourbons, a single bourbon, 3 Miller Lites, a Philly Chee-Steak, and enough mini-egg rolls to feed Hank Thorns for a year.

Devil on shoulder: “You had a single bourbon, a Miller Lite, and a Philly Chee-Steak.”

Angel on… hmm, where the heck is he? Probably stuck on the Route 1 exit. Needless to say, I went with the above tab. $20. Hey, is it my fault she doesn’t know how to bartend?

8:15 PM – Stopping at a drive-thru liquor store that is inside a trailer. Seriously, you can’t make stuff like this up. Only in maryland. For their sake, thank goodness for west virginia. 6-pack, bottle of Wild Turkey, here we go!

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The Weekend Warrior | Pre-Game, Anyone? VT Cold Starts a Concern

Whatever Virginia Tech is doing to get ready for, and start, games right now isn’t working. The Hokies have come out flatter than Maria Sharapova in four of their last six games.

Let’s look at some of the First Half holes VT has dug for themselves:

  • @ nc state – trailed by as many as 19; down 14 at the half
  • uva – trailed by as many as 12; down 1 at the half
  • fsu – led by as many as 20; up 18 at the half
  • @bc – led by 8 at the half
  • duke – trailed by as many as 11; down 4 at the half
  • @ga tech – down 16 at the half

While Tech was able to close the gap in all those First Half stinkers, they were only able to actually win one of those game, uva. It is very difficult to overcome a double-digit deficit. The fact the Hokies seem to fall into them so early is disturbing.

Part of the problem seems to be a stagnant offense out of the gate. Players seem tentative, unwilling to take the ball to the hole in the half court set. The Hokies are an athletic team and must slash and go at the hoop. Guys like Delaney and Deron need to penetrate and shoot or pass. Or, Tech needs to feed the ball to Allen. Often times the guards make lazy passes into the post, which was evident against n.c. state and led to turnovers. Also, players don’t seem to be moving hard without the ball. The guys are either standing around or not breaking hard off high screens/double screens. Tech doesn’t seem to get into the offensive flow until they are down and have to start pressing more (not literally, but mentally). As a result, VT’s score goes up and the deficit comes down.

The results have been some pathetic outputs. In the georgia tech, uva, and nc state games, VT had 25 points or less at the half. That’s pathetic.

So what to do? Well, if I knew that, I wouldn’t be writing this. I’d be coaching. I know in baseball, if a starting pitcher consistently struggles in the first inning, they have him throw extra pitches in the bullpen or simulate an inning there. That way, he almost feels like he’s in his second inning of work at the start of the game. Or he’s no longer a starter…

Maybe the guys need to leave the floor with about five minutes left before the game and go scrimmage a couple of minutes in the back gym? This could help them get their legs and get into an offensive flow. The risk is tiring the guys out, although Tech does have a bunch of bodies to throw at you off the bench. The other risk is Allen and Delaney would have two fouls before the game started… just kidding.

Whatever the solution, I would love to start watching Hokie games and not be gritting my teeth after 10 minutes.

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